


Camping

by kryptonianmenace



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Canon Trans Character, M/M, Trans Male Character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-07
Updated: 2020-05-07
Packaged: 2021-03-02 20:35:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,137
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24062968
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kryptonianmenace/pseuds/kryptonianmenace
Summary: Dirk, John, Dave, Karkat, Jake, and Roxy go on a camping trip for a belated birthday "boy's trip" for Jake. There may or may not be a plot to get Dirk and John together.
Relationships: Dave Strider/Karkat Vantas, John Egbert/Dirk Strider
Comments: 4
Kudos: 78





	Camping

**Author's Note:**

> The only part of the epilogue we're acknowledging is Roxy being trans cos fuck yeah!!! Trans rights!!!

I’m just gonna say it -- maybe going on a “boys trip” with your ex-boyfriend and all your guy friends for his belated twenty-third birthday celebration is not the brightest idea you’ve had. Especially since this so-called “boys trip” was a camping trip. Camping, which you’ve never done before.

Sure, you’re not sharing a tent with him, but you’re sharing it with the group’s Token Straight Boy™ and you’re not sure how you’re gonna survive. Nothing against the guy, but you’re pretty sure you’re not gonna make it through the whole trip without throttling him for the dumb shit he says.

“We should pull a prank on the others. Make it seem like we’ve been attacked by a wild animal or something.”

Speaking of.

“Wouldn’t they hear an animal attacking us, though?” you ask, humoring him.

He rolls over in his sleeping bag to face you, glasses askew and hair a mess. “We could scream and fake the attack. Like…” he trails off and softly starts making the noises he thinks an animal attacking would sound like.

You flush deeply, thankful for the dark of the night. “Jesus fucking Christ, John.”

“What?” he asks, propping himself up on his elbow to get a better look at you.

“It sounds like you’re having sex, cut it out,” you hiss, covering your face.

God, this boy is a moron. Why did Roxy have to insist on sharing a tent with Jake instead of you?

The flap of your tent unzips and Jake’s concerned face peers in.

Oh no.

“Is everything alright?” he asks. “I heard some... odd noises.”

John gives him a toothy grin.

“It was probably a bear or something,” John says. “Who knows what’s in these woods.”

Jake gives John an odd look. Jade had scouted this area for you all and had confirmed there were no predators in the area before you went on your trip.

Before he can reply and prolong the stupidity, you jump in. “It’s nothing, John’s just being an idiot. Go back to sleep.”

It takes some more convincing, but finally Jake leaves and you hold back a sigh.

“So… prank. Yes or no?” John asks.

You smother your face in your pillow.

* * *

The next day you all go fishing at the lake, which is nothing like how you used to fish pre-Sburb at all. Granted, pre-Sburb, you were fishing from an apartment surrounded by an ocean using traps. On this camping trip, you’re fishing like they show in movies where the father and son bond.

Unsurprisingly, John is good at this, because there’s no way in hell his dad never took him fishing. Dad Egbert was the epitome of Fatherly Essence, of course he took John fishing.

You’re paired up with John again, because of course you are. Dave and Karkat are goofing off about fifteen feet down the beach, and Jake and Roxy are chatting about twenty feet away in the opposite direction.

You and John sit in comfortable silence as you wait for fish to take the bait.

It’s on the third time you pull up an empty line that he starts laughing.

“You’re really bad at this,” he says.

“Not all of us were lucky enough to go on father-son fishing trips, Egbert,” you say.

And sure, maybe you’re a little over-defensive. But this is John Egbert. It’s not like he’ll notice.

“Fair enough,” he says as he continues to laugh. “Just means I’m better at you than something.”

You stare at him as he focuses his attention back on his line.

* * *

Jake has roughed it in the woods plenty, but he’s still never heard of s’mores.

A fact which horrifies John to no end.

Being the only one to have camping experience that had nothing to do with survival and solely for entertainment, John is actually the only one of your little group who has even had s’mores at all, though most of you had at least heard of them.

Jake had insisted on no alchemizers or other technology on the trip, so John whines until Roxy agrees to use his void powers to summon the ingredients for s’mores.

“First you take the graham,” John says as he demonstrates, his tone of voice sounding off. “You take the chocolate, and you put it on the graham. Then you roast your marshmallow, and cover it with the other end. Then you stuff.”

“You dumb piece of shit,” Karkat says, holding back a laugh. “Were you quoting a movie the whole time?”

John grins, and his voice goes back to normal. “Yeah!  _ The Sandlot _ ! It’s about baseball!”

Jake perks up at the talk of movies, and you tune out the ensuing conversation as you eat your first ever s’more.

Later, when John cracks a dumb joke, you mutter “You’re killing me, Smalls,” only loud enough for him to hear from his place next to you.

The others stare at the two of you as he barks out a surprised laugh, but you give nothing away.

So maybe you’ve seen the movie, too. That’s nothing to be ashamed of. You just… don’t want to tell people you sometimes watch the same movies as him. That’s fine.

* * *

“So what’s your favorite movie?” John asks you that night.

“Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff Sixteen: Hella Bro and Sweet Jeff,” you say.

That’s not a lie. The movie was simultaneously the most and least coherent SBaHJ movie you had seen, and the plot was the most engaging. You’d think it would be about the two switching bodies, or something else that the title alludes to, but it’s not. It’s a heist movie, a genre which you normally don’t have an opinion on.

“One of these days, you’ll have to show us those movies,” John says. “It’s still weird to know Dave and Rose were famous on your Earth.”

“When this trip is over,” you promise. “You were pretty famous too. I can probably find recordings of your stand up, if you want.”

“That’d be cool, but I’m good. It’d feel too weird seeing an adult version of me, and besides, what if I go into stand up? I don’t want to risk copying myself.”

“You realize that by being twenty-three, you’re technically an adult, right?” you say.

John sticks his tongue out at you. “Jane and I are still twenty-two, you old man,” he says. And that’s right, the two of them are the only ones of you humans without December birthdays.

“Still an adult,” you say.

“Ugh, you know what I mean,” he groans. “A more adultier adult me. It’d be weird to see.”

* * *

It turns out that being the Heir of Breath allows John to breathe underwater, which you all discovered when John thought it’d be hilarious to pretend like he had drowned.

Karkat is still yelling at him, but Dave has taken to periodically dunking him under the water to test it out, which only serves to incite Karkat’s panic-induced rage even more.

Jake is much farther out in the lake, ignoring the ruckus, and Roxy sidles up to you.

“You were pretty quick to rescue ol’ Johnny boy, there, Di-Stri,” he says, a smirk on his face.

“I was the closest,” you say. Which is true.

“You two have been spending a lot of time together this trip,” Roxy says. Which is also true.

“We share a tent, what do you expect?” you ask.

Roxy’s smirk widens. “Jake and I share a tent, and we’ve been splitting up.”

“That’s a lie,” you say. “You two have been up to no good this whole trip, what are you planning?”

Roxy laughs. “Do we have to be planning something? Can’t two dudes simply hang out, enjoying each other’s company?”

“Just guys being dudes?” you ask wrily.

“Just dudes being gay,” he says.

“You and Jake, then?” you ask.

Roxy shakes his head. “Nah, we’ve been talking about his sexuality, but that’s about it. He’s confused by everything.”

“Fair enough.”

“I’m surprised you haven’t been having sexuality talks with John. They’re all the rage, you know,” Roxy says.

That startles a laugh out of you. “Yeah, sexuality talks with John ‘not a homosexual’ Egbert.”

“You’d be surprised,” Roxy says, and then he walks away, leaving you with that.

* * *

“Roxy thinks we ought to have late night conversations about our sexuality,” you say that night, because you have nothing else to do.

Immediately, John groans. “Not you, too. It’s bad enough that the Lalondes are on my ass about it, I don’t want you Striders joining in.”

You raise an eyebrow as you look at him. “I was joking, but now I want to hear more.”

“Nope,” he says, voice pitching upwards. “Not happening.”

“I thought you were our token straight friend,” you say.

“Yeah, exactly. That’s me,” he says. His voice is insanely high now.

“Holy shit,” you say, rolling onto your elbows to better look at him. “You’re having a sexuality crisis.”

“No. Nope. I’m just your straight friend John Egbert,” he squeaks out.

“John, do you really think that I, of all people, am going to give you a hard time about you not being straight?” you ask. “Do you really think I give that much of a shit?”

To be fair, you interact with John the least out of your group of friends, but you’ve still gotten to know him somewhat well over the years since Sburb. You like to think he feels the same, but evidently not if he thinks you’re going to be a dick about his sexuality.

He groans and shoves his pillow in his face.

“John,” you say. “This is the most exciting thing to happen this whole trip. Don’t leave me hanging.”

He removes the pillow from his face and turns to glare at you. “I’m glad I can be a source of amusement, Strider.”

“Tell me honestly, who would you rather be discussing this with. Me? Or one of the Lalondes?” you ask. “Or better yet, Dave?”

“Oh my god, Dave would be a disaster,” he mutters. “He would give me such a hard time.”

“Give him some credit,” you say. “He would help you out. But yeah, he’d rag on you pretty hard once you figured shit out.”

“He’s going to either way,” John muttered. “Might as well talk to him and get it over with.”

You reach over and shove him. “That just tells me there’s something to talk about, Egbert.”

He groans again. “Fine. Fine,” he says. He eventually rolls over to face you. “How did you know you liked boys?”

“I don’t know, I just did,” you say. 

You’re fully aware of how unhelpful that is.

* * *

You don’t often eavesdrop, though not out of social niceties. It’s more out of lack of opportunity, if you’re being honest. Or lack of caring, really.

In this case, John either doesn’t know you were hiding away in your tent, or he doesn’t care. He has Dave cornered, and he’s insistent. They’re right next to the side of the tent your sleeping bag is on and you can hear them loud and clear.

“I’m just saying, you usually don’t care if I third wheel on you and Karkat,” John is saying.

“Can’t a man want some alone time with his boyfriend for once?” Dave asks, and it would be believable if you weren’t fluent in Strider.

Evidently, John’s been studying, because he doesn’t believe it either. “Not when that man is you, Dave. You and Karkat are awkward as fuck in public, you always jump at the chance to have someone else there to ease the tension.”

“This isn’t public. This is buttfuck nowhere on a camping trip,” Dave argues.

“You once told me that more than two people is public,” John says. “There are six people on this trip.

“You guys aren’t just people, though,” Dave says. “You’re my friends.”

“Bullshit,” John says. “That’s never made you more comfortable before. Also, it’s not just you and Karkat acting weird. Jake and Roxy are acting off, and if you don’t cut the bullshit, I’ll confront Jake.”

Dave goes silent.

“Yeah, you know he can’t keep a secret for shit,” John threatens.

“How are they acting weird?” Dave asks, avoiding the subject.

“Jake’s been avoiding me and Dirk, Roxy somehow convinced Dirk to bring up sexuality of all things in the tent last night, and you all keep insisting that Dirk and I hang out together this trip even though we barely hang out normally,” John says.

“You guys talked about sexuality last night?” Dave asks, voice bewildered.

“That’s not important! What’s important is you guys have been acting weird!” John exclaims.

“Aren’t you straight?” Dave asks. “What was there to talk about?”

John groans. “Can we not do this right now?”

“Holy shit, it’s working,” Dave mumbles.

You snap your head up at that. What’s working?

John seems to have missed it, because he continues on. “If you’re so insistent that you aren’t acting weird, you’re fine with me hanging with you and Karkat today, instead of Dirk, right?”

“What’s wrong with Dirk? You just wanna leave him hanging? All alone?” Dave deflects. “Hasn’t he been alone enough, John? You want to leave that man alone even more? That’s just cold.”

You roll off your sleeping bag and move towards the flap of the tent.

Stepping out, you turn towards John and Dave.

John doesn’t seem surprised to see you but Dave’s tells give him away. He hadn’t known you were in the tent like John had.

“I heard you muttering while I was in there, Dave,” you say. “What’s working?”

“What?” he asks.

“You said ‘holy shit, it’s working.’ What’s working?” you ask.

* * *

Karkat is a tougher nut to crack than Dave. That is, until Dave admits to breaking under pressure and Karkat immediately facepalms with a sigh.

“And here we thought Jake would be the first to break,” Karkat says. “But no, it’s my idiot of a boyfriend who ruins my plan.”

“Speaking of, I’d like to hear more about this plan. We didn’t get much out of Dave aside from ‘it was Karkat’s idea,’ and I’d like to know why your plan involved you all ignoring me and John all trip,” you say.

Karkat grimaces. “We were pushing you two together until you got out of your stupid heads and got together romantically.”

“That’s dumb as hell,” John says. “Why would you want us together?”

“Karkat’s dumb, romcom loving heart loves matchmaking,” Dave says. “He and Roxy think you’d be good together, and the two asked Rose to See what it would be like if you got together and she apparently gave a positive answer.”

“Is that why Roxy’s been pestering me about my sexuality?” John asks.

Karkat laughs. “No, that’s because you need to figure yourself out.”

“Oh, fuck off,” John says.

“Now that we know what you’re up to, how is that gonna affect the trip?” you ask. “We still have a few more days.”

“Oh, we’ll still ignore you, you’ll just know why now. You think we aren’t enjoying this?” Karkat says. “This trip is as much for us as it is for you.”

“Sounds like it’s entirely for you,” John mutters.

* * *

“So, me and John,” you say.

Jake startles, not having heard you arrive behind him as he starts the fire. John is distracting Roxy for you.

“Dirk! Hello! What about you and John?” he asks.

“You all think we’d make a good couple then?” you ask.

His eyes widen and he gapes momentarily.

Holding up a hand, you reassure him. “Dave cracked and let us know about your plan for this trip. I’m not mad, just curious.”

“About?”

“What made you go along with it?” you ask.

Jake hesitates, thinking. “Do you… Do you remember how for John and Jane’s twenty-first, we had a separate party for those who were comfortable around alcohol, so they could get legally drunk for the first time?”

“Yes,” you say.

“You mother-henned him all night,” Jake says, a fond grin on his face. “Even when he started throwing up.”

“I feel that’s an exaggeration,” you say.

Jake chuckles. “You never left his side. Not even for Janey, and she was just as drunk.”

“What’s your point?” you ask.

“You weren’t drunk at all, but that was the most relaxed I’ve ever seen you,” Jake says. “I’ve seen it every time you interact with him, though it was fleeting moments until this trip. And I like seeing you like that.”

“And on John’s end?” you ask.

Jake chuckles again. “He relaxes, too.”

* * *

“I’m not going to fake date you to prank our friends,” you say when you enter your tent that night.

John chokes on his bottle of water at your comment.

Coughing, he grumbles. “I can breathe underwater, but still choke on water bottle water? This is bullshit.”

“I’m serious, Egbert,” you say.

“Yeah, no shit,” he says. “I wasn’t even gonna suggest that. Where did you even get that idea?”

“I’ve read enough fanfiction to know where this is heading,” you say.

“Fanfiction of what?” he asks, voice incredulous.

“Not important. What’s important is you know I won’t go down that route.”

He raises his hands defensively. “I get it. No fake dating.”

“Did you have your talk with Dave about why he went along with this?” you ask.

John shrugs. “Yeah.”

“How’d it go?”

“I’d rather not get into it,” he says.

“Fair enough,” you say. “I suppose the same can be said for my talk with Jake.”

* * *

“I think I like boys,” John says on your final night.

“Welcome to the club,” you say.

“Specifically, I think I like you,” he continues.

You sigh. “I already told you, I’m not fake dating you.”

He throws his pillow at you. “Fuck off, I’m not asking you to fake date, or even to real date. I’m just stating a fact.”

“You’re timing is impeccable. Are you sure Time is Dave’s aspect and not yours?” you deadpan.

“Fuck you! I’ve been having a sexuality crisis and I finally figure it out, and this is the reaction I get?” he whines.

“Congratulations,” you say.

“You’re such an ass. Give me my pillow back,” he says.

You give him his pillow back. It’s not like you need it.

“We don’t need to date or anything, but you caused my sexuality crisis, and I figured you should know,” he says. “You’re cool, and better than me at pretty much everything, and you’re attractive, and I just… It’s not fair.”

You turn to face him. “I’m flattered, but I don’t know what you want me to do with this information.”

“Whatever you want to do with it, man!” he exclaims.

You contemplate for a moment, before you slide out of your sleeping bag and move over to John.

“What?” he asks.

You kiss him.

**Author's Note:**

> I got the idea for John being able to breathe underwater from [this fic](https://archiveofourown.org/works/16085558/chapters/37565129).  
> [Check out my tumblr!](https://haljordanisbatman.tumblr.com/)


End file.
